This is a difficult post for me.  In June, I sustained a miscarriage. It was my first pregnancy. It broke my heart. I am still recovering.

I didn’t think I would ever post of my miscarriage on OTrocks because I didn’t think it belonged here. But through the various ways I’m coping and trying to heal, I realized that miscarriage is totally within the scope of OT. My OT school focused on the mind-body approach. We learned to look at people holistically, considering whatever they are going through emotionally and psychologically will affect the activities of daily living and thus, physical performance. It makes sense, right? If I was severely depressed, I would not want to shower or get out of bed. If I didn’t do those things, how would I accomplish anything in my daily life?

When I had my miscarriage, I almost pretended nothing happened. I went to work everyday and tried to do my regular routine. I was sad and heartbroken, but it never occurred to me to take time off. I thought that I just couldn’t take time off. I was feeling my worst on the weekends..how convenient. I could still wake up and go to work on the weekdays!  However, things started to deteriorate at work. The pts were so low level that they didn’t want to do therapy. It made being productive and enjoying work harder to do. I kept thinking that I was doing okay because hey, I was still going to work everyday. But my husband noticed I wasn’t myself. And I noticed that I didn’t want to eat as much. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn’t get to sleep. I tossed and turned. “What the heck is wrong with me?” I wondered.

I couldn’t fully share my story with family and friends because while some people were supportive, other people were obviously not.  ”You’ll get pregnant again.” “1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage.” “Well, it was defective anyway.” These were some of the hurtful things people said. I’m hoping they only said those things thinking that they were being supportive, because really, those are hurtful comments, I thought. I finally started seeing a marriage and family therapist because I needed a sounding board who could give me an unbiased perspective. It really has helped to dive into the deeper emotions and feelings I’ve been experiencing. Having a miscarriage and dealing with the subsequent feelings is like being punched in the face at the most random times. I never know when I’ll feel good and when I’ll feel bad. I never thought I’d ever be labile in my life!  But it just happens. It’s like re-living the hurt, over and over again.

How is this related to OT, at all? Because of therapeutic use of self! Because of therapeutic activities! Because leisure skills are within the OT scope of practice! I was doing all the bare minimum things that made me a productive member of society: I showered, I went to work, I saw pts, I ate food. But I wasn’t myself! I wasn’t feeling! I wasn’t human. I wasn’t living a life, I was just struggling to live.

Part of OT (especially in mental health) is breaking down the hurt, the difficulties in participating in daily life by finding a fun way to start. A fun way to engage the individual to return to activities of daily living. OT is about learning more, uncovering emotions to facilitate a return to an independent lifestyle. For example, a demented person might not remember what year it is, but he will remember that he had a dog when he was growing up and relate those stories. It’s possible to get the demented person talking coherently for a little while. How would you ever find that out? By talking, drawing, painting, looking at pictures. Simple things that unlock a treasure.

My OT tx plan for myself includes seeing the MFT, painting, drawing, journalling, making jewelry and baking. It’s been working so far. (The 5 days I finally took off work really helped too. Thanks, Boss!)  I must have a great OT.